Once upon a time...

I was speaking to someone recently about my childhood, or at least certain aspects about it. The person I was talking to was adopted. I asked if they knew anything about their past, like pre-adoption? I have a few friends who were adopted as babies. One of which was a family adoption, so she knew of her biological mother but didn't really start looking into it until a few years ago. I'm a curious person by nature, so ya, I was definitely curious about that. 
But at the same time, I told about what I used to do when I was young. I'd often go up to my mom and ask her if I was adopted. When she'd tell me that I was not, I'd often ask her if she was sure. Hoping that she was lying to me in hopes of not hurting my feelings or something. Around the time I found out babies came "from the tummy", I asked her if she could open her mouth, so I could go back inside. Knowing that food that goes into your mouth, winds up in the tummy. Silly, maybe even weird kid that I was. 
When I was telling this person about it, it made me think. What was the reason behind my constant asking my mom if I was adopted. I didn't get into that with this person, afterall, it's not really someone I know and I'm not sure how much I want to divulge about my past. I used to be extremely open about every aspect of me, the thing is, most friends whom I've told the happenings of my past to, often tell me it was too much to take all in one shot. I guess, when I talk about things, it just spews out all at once. It's also opened me up to being hurt by others. Not that everyone has ill intentions, but those that do seem to think that "hey, this girl's been treated like shit before, let me continue". I'm straying from the topic now though... 


So, I asked myself "Why is it that I was so intent on wanting to be adopted?" I know that while I was growing up, I thought what I lived through, was normal for everyone (until I found out later that it wasn't). But maybe there was a part of me that hoped it was different. Because I wanted so much to have been adopted. I think that I hoped that if I was, there was someone out there who might have treated me better. Sometimes as kids, I think even if we don't really know what's going on in a situation, we can still kind of feel the want for a better place. 
I told this person that maybe I was just a weird child and maybe I was. But I also think that any child living the same life might hope and dream of a better place to be. Still, I'm weird. I admit to that. I've had a nickname that describes my weirdness since the age of 12 and I wear that nickname (and always have) with pride. Yup that's right! I was considered weird and was happy to be way before "weird became the new cool".