Why can't some people realise what they have going for them? They're pursuing their dreams! They're capable of so many great things and capable of working on things that they love. So much so, that's it's not really work, is it?  I get the nervousness of waiting to see if you'll be accepted for a job. I've been through that as well. And it's your dream job, so the anxiety is obviously so much stronger. I know it would be for me... if I had a dream job. I don't get anxiety and to fret over whether or not I'll be accepted into the job of my dreams. I don't get that. Nor will I ever. Why? Because I don't have a dream job. I don't know what it is I want to do, something that I'll love. And until I figure it out, I'll never know. Never experience it. I can understand the want to be accepted, the need to feel like you're moving forward. Because I feel that too..only I'm filled with emptiness, because while I want to move forward, while I feel the need that I can no longer stay in the same spot in my life.. I don't know where I'm going. I have no idea how to go about finding what it is that I love. What it is that I can do. I feel like I'm rotting. I'm just rotting away. 

While they're still so young, and have all this time ahead of them, their whole lives, even if this one place doesn't accept them now, they still have a chance to get back up, prepare better and try again. While here I am, old, without a clue, haunted by feelings that I'm wasting away. Rotting away. 

Is that envy? Jealousy? Mixed with what? Feelings of emptiness? Despair?